i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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