Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
