Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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