well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
