I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
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