you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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