do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Randomize
