WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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