mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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