I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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