Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
