I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
