I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
