i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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