i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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