she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
