sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
My life is pants optional.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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