I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
