I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
