i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Randomize
