Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
