I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
