allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
