Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I need a burrito and a hug.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
