After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
