batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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