I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
