It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
