I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
