last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
