Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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