Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
