I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
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