This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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