So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
