i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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