I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
