I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
