You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
