You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
