she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
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