New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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