i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
