PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
