I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
wow bdsm is so cute
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
