I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Randomize
