I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Randomize
