Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
