My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
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