it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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