did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
