This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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