Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
