I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Rumble strips road head = magical
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
