Redeem this text for a blowjob
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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