So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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